That Moment Alone
by NoelleLaBelle
Summary: A small angst bit in Erik's mind after everything has happened, not particularly based on any specific version except maybe a little bit of Kay though it's barely noticable.


_All right, I know I've put no work on my other story, but I haven't exactly had the best time in my life so good ideas haven't been coming to me (A few things seemed okay at first, but after actually trying to work them out they were just flat). This bit here is basically of my own madness (not haha madness either). I kept having the recurring thought of just how far his insanity dives sometimes, thus this idea of a much more realistic argument with himself came out. This runs almost on the lines of a split personality, just not fully, it would seem in this case the other cannot take over, merely talk. Please don't argue with me though about how jumpy things are in this, no one is really logical when they're arguing within their own mind. That's it, here you go._

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* * *

__You should die._

I know, but...

_But what? Think about all you've done; Murder, blackmail, kidnapping, what gives you the right to live, tell me. I truly would love to this hear this pathetic excuse._

That one moment, if she could accept me...

_Ah yes, our little dear songstress, who only did what you wanted because you had threatened her real love, yes she would have gladly gone to your arms otherwise. Do you really think it was acceptance that drove her? Would she really want you to court her the way a man does?_

I am a man as well, I do have those feelings.

_That and the face of a monster, what could you have really offered her? You had no means of living besides taking money, just look at your 'home' even, what kind of woman would want to live down here, in the wet dark with a beast._

I could have provided a home, she would not have been forced to stay down here.

_Would you be willing to leave though?_

Why must you ask me this, she's no longer here, I allowed her to leave.

_I want to know, she didn't accept you, merely feared you and your beastly appearance, not to mention your horrendous attitude._

I may look like a beast, but I don't think or act like it, everytime that I talked to her-

_Every time you talked to her! Have you forgotten the way you first raged at her, when she saw your true form? If you were not a loathsome creature that time, then what were you?_

That...couldn't be helped, I had made it obvious that my mask was not to be touched.

_Yet she didn't listen, so what will you do if another tries? The very same thing perhaps? You'll curse them and then they shall be your prisoner._

No, no one will ever see past it again, I shall make sure of it.

_By what means, you can't be on guard the entire time, the only way to not let it happen is if you die alone._

Alone...

_Yes, it's the only way._

I don't want to be, no, I can work other ways, keep them in a different room, lock them away from me while I rest.

_I'm sure they'll love that. There is another way to have a woman at your side though, but not in your death._

How?

_Simply hire a mistress, as long as you have the money they'll love you._

They wouldn't love me.

_They'd love you the way you desire it though, you know you want to hear a woman cry under you, you want to leave her panting and gasping, her body red and glistening in sweat from your own's movement._

I don't want any woman just for her body. I want them to have feelings... for me. No, I don't want to be as low to do something like that.

_Yet all the other things you've done don't make you low already? I told you, you deserve death, perhaps you should turn yourself in. I'll bet they'll have their own wonderful ways of torturing you, maybe you could even teach them some of your own techniques before you pass._

Be quiet.

_Why? You enjoyed watching people run in fear and finally cry when they had no escape. No, you didn't just enjoy their pain, you loved it._

By no means did I enjoy their suffering.

_Was it because it helped you forget some of your own? I think it was your own twisted way of revenge, that's what made it so delicious to you._

Leave it alone, I warn you...

_Of what? What shall you do to me, as long as you're alone and no one loves you I'm all you have, the only thing to keep you sane in a way._

Then I shall make sure I destroy you.

_You really think you can find someone don't you, that there is some miracle lady out there for you, just waiting for you to crawl to their arms. Fine, let me finish with this though.You still haven't truly answered me, what honestly by God makes you think you have the right to breathe?_

_Answer me! What makes you really think that you, one of the devil's own, should be deserving of life and love!_

She kissed me...and she smiled... If she could, then maybe... that moment... could be longer for another.

_

* * *

__Okay, this was written at very late/early hours (One of the reasons it's so short, plus I have two French test to take but I had to do this first), I've been having my own reasons for angsty thoughts and needed a way to get them out, so please do leave a review and tell me if you liked it or not. I've always written torment and angst better than anything else and I'm wondering if I should stay down this path and try some more things, or just leave it alone to practice other genres. Plus, the only reason I mention her smiling is because I'm thinking of the movie version, though this Erik may in my mind look like Gerard's version, his mind is not quite that way._


End file.
